I have been falling behind thanks to an unwelcome sickness, ugh, and when you are mom, there are no days off. So here's post 3, Darla's story. I am so incredibly honored that she is allowing me to share her story.
Over the last year, I had 2 miscarriages 8 months apart. Now, instead of holding a precious little life, all we have as physical proof of these pregnancies are a handful of hospital wrist ID bands. Obviously we know we're not the first, and sadly won't be the last, to go through this loss; but it baffles us knowing that miscarriages are so common, yet talking about them is such a hush-hush, taboo thing.
We were completely blindsided by my first miscarriage after a 'normal' pregnancy with our, now, 3 year old son. It was a shock and it hurt. Officially, it was a 'spontaneous miscarriage' (starting in the 6th week and confirmed at 7 weeks). I'll spare all the details, but we were on an emotional rollercoaster for several days; every nurse and doctor had a different explanation and diagnosis, and the miscarriage was only confirmed via lab work after several days of waiting and wondering. Instead of focusing on the loss, we focused on being grateful it wasn't worse physically for me, like ectopic, etc. Throughout the week, I had 2 horrendous doctors in the ER, one of whom straight up laughed at me for asking an honest and relevant question, and the other diagnosed me (after literally not being in the room the entire time I was being treated) with an anxiety attack, tried pushing prescription meds on me, and gave me paperwork on suicide prevention - when in reality, I learned later, my body had gone in to shock when the tissue released/passed. It was just a really bad experience on top of an already sad week. My doctor's office cancelled my appointments and I had no follow-up; I relied on stories/experiences my friends had shared over the years, and turned to online research, and a sweet friend's blog: TheLewisNote.com. The bad hospital experiences aside, overall, I think we handled and healed from this miscarriage rather well ... but it still hurts - and probably always will, a little.
We decided to try again right away, since it 'had to be a fluke.' And then it happened again. At the same gestational week. It was still heartbreaking and disappointing, but oddly this time it wasn't as huge of a shock or nearly as scary. I'm so grateful that this time I had an amazing doctor and lots of follow-up. Ectopic was a real concern as my HCG was rising at a slow rate - but thankfully, it was a 'normal' miscarriage, and my body didn't repeat going in to shock. Even though we weren't as blindsided as the first time, it was still equally as sad of a loss.
When I was pregnant with my son, I purposefully didn't post many pictures or updates because I didn't want to 'rub it in' to all of our friends who I know have all faced years of trouble getting and/or staying pregnant. But now being on the other side, I know that pain and my heart just hurts for them even more. I know how every pregnancy announcement burns ... every picture of a new baby leaves me a little more envious. And even more so as certain dates grew closer (like due dates, and now the 1 year anniversary of the first loss is nearing). Of course I'm still happy when I see friends welcoming new babes ... I wouldn't wish a miscarriage on anyone. Duh. But it still does burn - no matter how hard you don't want it to.
Until now, we had only told family and a few close friends; I've found it's a hard thing to bring up or announce out-of-the-blue. However, I don't want our babies/pregnancies to be a dark secret. Each miscarriage was a precious baby that we were very excited about. Yes, miscarriages (unfortunately) happen .... but I don't think that we should have to pretend our's didn't happen. And it certainly doesn't erase the excitement and emotions we had! I also feel I should state: as far as I'm concerned, no matter what stage or how many weeks along ... a loss is a loss. I have friends who have lost babies earlier and later than me; I know all of our hearts hurt.
For now ... we're still looking forward to welcoming a rainbow babe someday!